Worked for half day on 31st of December. Went semenyih after work to celebrate with my uni mates. For some reason I just don't wanna stay home alone cause I know there will be no one asking me out. Last year I'm having some situation similar to now. Seeing everyone hanging out just makes me feel sad, I was alone last year, the feeling of being alone sucks. That's why I won't allow myself to be alone anymore. It will only lead to more negative thoughts when I'm alone.
Simple BBQ dinner to celebrate the new year. It's not necessary to see fireworks or drinking and party in the club. Sometimes I just need a silent night like this, a calm and relaxing countdown. There were so many stars up the sky last night. It was beautiful, wondering if you noticed the stars too. Was happy that you told me you miss me and I can feel it for some reason. Just glad you speak it out.
I'm feeling that you're not so happy after we broke up. From what I see you're feeling even more sorrow and lonely deep inside. But the good thing is I know you weren't that worry and depressed anymore. I'm not sure why are you so eager to want me disappear from your life. You're taking me for granted after each and every time the problem is discussed. You're just trying to trigger my anger and want me to disappear once and for all. Unfortunately, I can't be angry. I doesn't know why, maybe I just understand the situation you're facing. Just tolerating whatever you asked for, I just doesn't understand why you still have to me so mean to me.
From stranger we loved on first sight, on our first date. Then our relationship turn downhill cause it's so hard for you to come out and meet me every time. We agreed to be friends, and now we are friends but you're still asking me to forget you. Each and every time you are asking for more and more, and the request just goes more and more unreasonable.
Yes you miss me too, I know, that is why you still log in to chat with me everyday and see if I ever text you. I doesn't need anything from you, I just want you to live the way you want. I just want to see you happy. To be honest if you really want me to disappear from your life you doesn't need to chat with me so frequent, I really doesn't have the courage and strength to stop everything. I doesn't know why do I love you so much despite all the things you are trying to do to me and do to us. I'm just going the neutral way to our relationship for now. You want it to be friends then we will be, you want to see me then I will make my time for you, you want to stop seeing me then I won't start annoying you. Just do whatever you like and whatever you want cause I'm never gonna force you to make a new decision.
You doesn't need to change me, I will change myself. New year new beginning, I know what I need to change. I'm missing you for no reason, I'm loving you for no reason, I never want everything between us to end for no reason. Maybe from what I feel is that we never really broke up, cause we were never really together.
I miss you, i want to see you, i wanna chat longer with you, but i know these things doesn't help in making us to meet up. Staying sad doesn't makes you leave him and come to me, staying sad doesn't make us go back to the way we was. I never asked how you feel or what are you thinking anymore, cause you will let me know when you want to, you will find me when you really need me to be there. For now I know you doesn't need me yet, but I just doesn't want to lose a person like you.
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