Maybe the jam and parking problem made you feel frustrated and killing your mood for the day. Wanna call you so that i could talk easier to you, but then only i realized you had blocked me for phone call, so do whatsapp. I understand your purpose of doing these, i don't blame you, I've been too obsessed in anxious in waiting your reply. It's good that you blocked me in whatsapp so that i can comfort myself that you will text me when you're busy.
Met you at 4PM, I didn't tell you that you're so beautiful today, cause the moment I'm going down the elevator I can notice that you're in a bad mood. As soon as we start talking, we argued again. Can't really remember or should I say I don't wanna remember what we argued. But there's only three things we can argue for all the time, it's either him, her, or me.
For him, I can't say anything cause it's out of our control.
For her, I can't say anything too cause she's your BFF, and no point argue about her things.
For me, it's always me who make things worse and complicated.
But I believe we are trying our best to make everything as simple as possible between us. We are in the tense situation from 4PM until 6PM. We talked and discussed on a lot of things. Honestly I feel sad when I know you doesn't want to think about me anymore, but it's for your own good, for you to have a happier life. I can't do anything but just to accept everything that you are restricting between us.
There's a wall that I can't climb over right now, the wall is like fully installed with electric wires. It's either I feel the pain or you feel the pain. Whoever that tries to reach the other will feel the shock and pain. I understand, you've been trying to reach me so many times but you're being more depressed and suffer every time you try to reach me, that's why you wanna stop everything now before the pain kills you. Mentioning that we are friends doesn't really help, the feelings always exist. Just that there are things that we shouldn't do to prevent everything goes deeper. I understand, but as both of us know, sometimes the decision is impossible to make because either Yes or No will not make things better.
I'm not really sure why, but our fights always end and calmed down whenever we're in the car. Nothing much we're telling each other, but it just naturally slows down when we're sitting quietly in the car. Maybe saying goodbye is really hard for us, and we appreciate each other more whenever it's time to say goodbye. Nothing matters when i got to hug you so tight in my arms, you doesn't want me to be sad, I doesn't want you to feel sad too. But for us, one of us will always feel sad no matter what happened. I just hope that one day we will have the same feeling on the same thing we're trying to do for each other.
You asked me where I wanna bring you, there's no where I want to bring you. I just want to count down with you, forget about all the unhappy things, holding your hands look into the sky, see how beautiful the fireworks are, that's what I planned to do for today. But too bad I doesn't have the chance to do this today. So I hope on the 31st night we'll get to do this. Just me and you.
Actually there are a lot of things that I want but I'm not telling you because I know you won't really agree with that. For example, I hope that I'm the last one you meet before you go home every time we meet, it seems simple to anyone but I know it's the hardest thing for you. I know the reason why you always finding her after meeting me, but I only can say that I'm glad that we still can meet each other, I can't ask for more, it's good enough for me, I can't be greedy.
Maybe staying friends is what you really want, it's logic and reasonable for you. You can treat me as your friend. To be honest, I can't lie to myself, I have the love feeling for you, no matter how friend we are trying to be I still know that I love you. I won't lie to myself, i won't suppress myself from loving you, as long as i know what I'm doing doesn't affect your life.
For now I only have a quote for myself :
"Maybe staying friends is the best way to stay in love, forever"
I love you, more than anyone could ever imagine, even myself. Two months of us knowing each other seems to be like two years for me. The feeling was so deep, so real, so strong. Enjoy your Christmas, hope I can be with you on 31st, I want to be the last person you meet before you go home, I want to see the fireworks with you, I want to enjoy every beautiful moment with you, I want you to be happy, there's too many things I want that I can't wait to complete all of them.
Once again, I love you. It's 2AM now, maybe I'm just waiting for your text. But I guess you're enjoying your drink or dance now. Wish you allow me to go, but I know you won't cause whenever I appear it will only cause more conflict for you. Maybe me and her will hardly have the chance to appear in the same outing with you anymore.
Have fun, goodnight my dear. Thanks for spending every moment that you're available for me. I'm really happy to see you every time no matter where or what we did. Looking forward for our next date
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