Been thinking over and over again for these few days.
What is love? For me it's a feeling and emotion to someone and i care about everything that's happening to her.
Doesn't really text you a lot, actually i have so much to tell, but i guess you're not interested in knowing it anymore. Maybe you're interested, in the other hand i feel it's unnecessary to tell since you doesn't care anymore
Wanted to give you back the ring so that you could give it to someone much more important than me, but you refused and i know you will throw it away if I give it back to you. Actually everything that happened now I've already knew this day will come, I just didn't expect it came so fast. Am I sad? I myself don't even know, sometimes I just go numb whenever i think about you. But i know I'm not happy for sure, I wonder how long does it take for you to make this decision, how much have you went through to be so insisting in stopping everything.
I don't hate you at all, I'm just amazed and admire your courage in cutting off everything. To be honest that's the best solution for you, for you to live normally and without stress. I think that's what I want for you as well, but it's hurtful when every sweet things goes into nothing between us. What else can I do, I can only wish you happier in your future life. Maybe we're really not meant to be together, or can i say that you doesn't love me that much. If one day you found I'm not around and you miss me, if you left him just to come to me, I can be sure that you love me a lot. Can't survive without him seems like an excuse for me, it all depends on you. But I don't blame you, you're used to this life for so long. That's why we ended this early, we both scared that we will get addicted to each other.
Should i thank you for ending everything. Maybe i think i should thank you for ending it early. Cause I will never have to courage to request breakup. Can't imagine how depressed i will get if we breakup later on. Scrolling through our pictures just make me smile, we were so sweet but everything just seems to be a memory. Two and a half month, so many things happened. Anyway, I just hope we can still talk and meet from time to time. I never managed to be friends with my ex, I hope you could still be mine, I just doesn't wanna lose anyone from my life anymore. It's always tired to say goodbye, and it's always a regret to lost contact with someone I loved. Maybe I'll continue loving you and missing you from my heart, maybe I'm waiting for miracle?
These too shall pass? I'm not really sure, I only know that I will not allow myself fall into love so deep anymore, it hurts, it really hurts. No one knows about the future, all i can do is wishing you the best in your life and your future. At least we had really sweet memories being together.
I decided not to involve myself into your life anymore, so don't be shocked if I doesn't text you anymore. To be honest I'm still loving you and I still having that little hope that we will get together, just that now is not the right time for us to have feelings for each other. I just doesn't want you to think about me so often like how you used to, it will only make you suffer. But I'll be there for sure when you need me, I promise. I'm not being cold, I just want the best for you. Just find me when you're not happy, enjoy the time when you're happy, I will be happy once you're satisfied and happy with your life.
Neutrally waiting for the miracle day to come, I love you.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Empty
Can't believe everything just ends so fast. I thought we need time, but seems like there's not any chances anymore.
Cried for so long
Heartache, it really hurts
I don't know what else i can say
What else i can do
I have no choice
I've been force to accept the fact
I just feel so.......
Empty
Cried for so long
Heartache, it really hurts
I don't know what else i can say
What else i can do
I have no choice
I've been force to accept the fact
I just feel so.......
Empty
Thursday, December 26, 2013
I won't give up
You afraid to let me know you're happy last night cause you will feel bad
You said you felt so bad last night and you don't want me to be sad
You want me not to emo
You want me to promise you to live happily with my life
You want me to have someone in my life that appreciate me
You want me to forget you
You want me not to talk about feelings
You want me to treat you as a friend
You will text me and like it or not I can choose to reply or not
I know you're happy last night, you doesn't need to feel bad, you're always happy hanging out with her
I'm not really sad last night, I just wish you will come last night, I know you can, just that you doesn't want to. If you came you wouldn't feel bad
Don't make me emo by telling things I don't wanna hear then
You're part of my life, how can i promise you anything when I'm not really happy with my life
Can you be the someone in my life that appreciate me?
I can only forget you when you mean nothing to me, but you mean so much to me
Human, it's all about actions and feelings
I made myself very clear, you can treat me as your friend, but i won't suppress my feelings and love for you. I didn't force you to love me, so please don't force me not to love you
As i know i never did something like lazy to reply you or never reply you. I just take one minute longer to send you back the things that you told me
So how do you feel when you're reading back all the things you've told me
You said you hate me, you said you doesn't love me
You're really not good in lying, you doesn't have to lie to me, and you doesn't need to lie to yourself.
I'm not going to write a lot today, you had more than enough things to read and think for today.
Deleting a person from your mind isn't easy as deleting the messages and photos. I never force you on anything, you can live your life happily, you doesn't need to force me to stop loving you, cause I won't give up.
You want me to be mature and strong, that's what I'm trying to do. I feel sad last night because opportunities are really limited, just wish you could appreciate more and doesn't regret. You feel bad last night, cause you could've come, but you didn't. I never blame you or anything, I already expect you won't come, but hopes are still hopes.
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
"Maybe staying friends is the best way to stay in love, forever"
Today I'm not working, went early to office just to have Christmas party. Reach office around 8.30AM. Sitting in the office don't know waiting for who and what. The party only started at 12.30PM. That 4 hours I'm just waiting you to wake up and tell me about today's plan. Was really happy to know that you can come out around 2PM and i can't wait to leave the office party and come see you.
Maybe the jam and parking problem made you feel frustrated and killing your mood for the day. Wanna call you so that i could talk easier to you, but then only i realized you had blocked me for phone call, so do whatsapp. I understand your purpose of doing these, i don't blame you, I've been too obsessed in anxious in waiting your reply. It's good that you blocked me in whatsapp so that i can comfort myself that you will text me when you're busy.
Met you at 4PM, I didn't tell you that you're so beautiful today, cause the moment I'm going down the elevator I can notice that you're in a bad mood. As soon as we start talking, we argued again. Can't really remember or should I say I don't wanna remember what we argued. But there's only three things we can argue for all the time, it's either him, her, or me.
For him, I can't say anything cause it's out of our control.
For her, I can't say anything too cause she's your BFF, and no point argue about her things.
For me, it's always me who make things worse and complicated.
But I believe we are trying our best to make everything as simple as possible between us. We are in the tense situation from 4PM until 6PM. We talked and discussed on a lot of things. Honestly I feel sad when I know you doesn't want to think about me anymore, but it's for your own good, for you to have a happier life. I can't do anything but just to accept everything that you are restricting between us.
There's a wall that I can't climb over right now, the wall is like fully installed with electric wires. It's either I feel the pain or you feel the pain. Whoever that tries to reach the other will feel the shock and pain. I understand, you've been trying to reach me so many times but you're being more depressed and suffer every time you try to reach me, that's why you wanna stop everything now before the pain kills you. Mentioning that we are friends doesn't really help, the feelings always exist. Just that there are things that we shouldn't do to prevent everything goes deeper. I understand, but as both of us know, sometimes the decision is impossible to make because either Yes or No will not make things better.
I'm not really sure why, but our fights always end and calmed down whenever we're in the car. Nothing much we're telling each other, but it just naturally slows down when we're sitting quietly in the car. Maybe saying goodbye is really hard for us, and we appreciate each other more whenever it's time to say goodbye. Nothing matters when i got to hug you so tight in my arms, you doesn't want me to be sad, I doesn't want you to feel sad too. But for us, one of us will always feel sad no matter what happened. I just hope that one day we will have the same feeling on the same thing we're trying to do for each other.
You asked me where I wanna bring you, there's no where I want to bring you. I just want to count down with you, forget about all the unhappy things, holding your hands look into the sky, see how beautiful the fireworks are, that's what I planned to do for today. But too bad I doesn't have the chance to do this today. So I hope on the 31st night we'll get to do this. Just me and you.
Actually there are a lot of things that I want but I'm not telling you because I know you won't really agree with that. For example, I hope that I'm the last one you meet before you go home every time we meet, it seems simple to anyone but I know it's the hardest thing for you. I know the reason why you always finding her after meeting me, but I only can say that I'm glad that we still can meet each other, I can't ask for more, it's good enough for me, I can't be greedy.
Maybe staying friends is what you really want, it's logic and reasonable for you. You can treat me as your friend. To be honest, I can't lie to myself, I have the love feeling for you, no matter how friend we are trying to be I still know that I love you. I won't lie to myself, i won't suppress myself from loving you, as long as i know what I'm doing doesn't affect your life.
For now I only have a quote for myself :
"Maybe staying friends is the best way to stay in love, forever"
I love you, more than anyone could ever imagine, even myself. Two months of us knowing each other seems to be like two years for me. The feeling was so deep, so real, so strong. Enjoy your Christmas, hope I can be with you on 31st, I want to be the last person you meet before you go home, I want to see the fireworks with you, I want to enjoy every beautiful moment with you, I want you to be happy, there's too many things I want that I can't wait to complete all of them.
Once again, I love you. It's 2AM now, maybe I'm just waiting for your text. But I guess you're enjoying your drink or dance now. Wish you allow me to go, but I know you won't cause whenever I appear it will only cause more conflict for you. Maybe me and her will hardly have the chance to appear in the same outing with you anymore.
Have fun, goodnight my dear. Thanks for spending every moment that you're available for me. I'm really happy to see you every time no matter where or what we did. Looking forward for our next date
Maybe the jam and parking problem made you feel frustrated and killing your mood for the day. Wanna call you so that i could talk easier to you, but then only i realized you had blocked me for phone call, so do whatsapp. I understand your purpose of doing these, i don't blame you, I've been too obsessed in anxious in waiting your reply. It's good that you blocked me in whatsapp so that i can comfort myself that you will text me when you're busy.
Met you at 4PM, I didn't tell you that you're so beautiful today, cause the moment I'm going down the elevator I can notice that you're in a bad mood. As soon as we start talking, we argued again. Can't really remember or should I say I don't wanna remember what we argued. But there's only three things we can argue for all the time, it's either him, her, or me.
For him, I can't say anything cause it's out of our control.
For her, I can't say anything too cause she's your BFF, and no point argue about her things.
For me, it's always me who make things worse and complicated.
But I believe we are trying our best to make everything as simple as possible between us. We are in the tense situation from 4PM until 6PM. We talked and discussed on a lot of things. Honestly I feel sad when I know you doesn't want to think about me anymore, but it's for your own good, for you to have a happier life. I can't do anything but just to accept everything that you are restricting between us.
There's a wall that I can't climb over right now, the wall is like fully installed with electric wires. It's either I feel the pain or you feel the pain. Whoever that tries to reach the other will feel the shock and pain. I understand, you've been trying to reach me so many times but you're being more depressed and suffer every time you try to reach me, that's why you wanna stop everything now before the pain kills you. Mentioning that we are friends doesn't really help, the feelings always exist. Just that there are things that we shouldn't do to prevent everything goes deeper. I understand, but as both of us know, sometimes the decision is impossible to make because either Yes or No will not make things better.
I'm not really sure why, but our fights always end and calmed down whenever we're in the car. Nothing much we're telling each other, but it just naturally slows down when we're sitting quietly in the car. Maybe saying goodbye is really hard for us, and we appreciate each other more whenever it's time to say goodbye. Nothing matters when i got to hug you so tight in my arms, you doesn't want me to be sad, I doesn't want you to feel sad too. But for us, one of us will always feel sad no matter what happened. I just hope that one day we will have the same feeling on the same thing we're trying to do for each other.
You asked me where I wanna bring you, there's no where I want to bring you. I just want to count down with you, forget about all the unhappy things, holding your hands look into the sky, see how beautiful the fireworks are, that's what I planned to do for today. But too bad I doesn't have the chance to do this today. So I hope on the 31st night we'll get to do this. Just me and you.
Actually there are a lot of things that I want but I'm not telling you because I know you won't really agree with that. For example, I hope that I'm the last one you meet before you go home every time we meet, it seems simple to anyone but I know it's the hardest thing for you. I know the reason why you always finding her after meeting me, but I only can say that I'm glad that we still can meet each other, I can't ask for more, it's good enough for me, I can't be greedy.
Maybe staying friends is what you really want, it's logic and reasonable for you. You can treat me as your friend. To be honest, I can't lie to myself, I have the love feeling for you, no matter how friend we are trying to be I still know that I love you. I won't lie to myself, i won't suppress myself from loving you, as long as i know what I'm doing doesn't affect your life.
For now I only have a quote for myself :
"Maybe staying friends is the best way to stay in love, forever"
I love you, more than anyone could ever imagine, even myself. Two months of us knowing each other seems to be like two years for me. The feeling was so deep, so real, so strong. Enjoy your Christmas, hope I can be with you on 31st, I want to be the last person you meet before you go home, I want to see the fireworks with you, I want to enjoy every beautiful moment with you, I want you to be happy, there's too many things I want that I can't wait to complete all of them.
Once again, I love you. It's 2AM now, maybe I'm just waiting for your text. But I guess you're enjoying your drink or dance now. Wish you allow me to go, but I know you won't cause whenever I appear it will only cause more conflict for you. Maybe me and her will hardly have the chance to appear in the same outing with you anymore.
Have fun, goodnight my dear. Thanks for spending every moment that you're available for me. I'm really happy to see you every time no matter where or what we did. Looking forward for our next date
Monday, December 23, 2013
A special gift for you
wanted to celebrate this year's Christmas with you but i know it's kind impossible for this year.
Hopefully next year I'll get to celebrate with you, enjoy this video.
See you soon. I love you =)
-Junda
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Rainy Day
Been chatting with you lesser now. Not really sure whether it's a good thing or bad thing. The only thing i can observe is that you're happier than before. Maybe it's really the best solution for us, feelings still exist, i still wanna see you so badly. I understand you have lots of things to think as a lot of things are going to happen and coming to you. I can't annoy you anymore, you just need everything between us to happen peacefully. I miss you, doesn't know how many times i need to repeat it, just hope to see you soon.
You have him, just realized how tiny I am when I'm putting myself between both of you. Two months vs Five years. There's nothing i can compete, maybe the only advantage i have is young, hahaha. Glad this blog made you smile, just drop by here and read more of my daily life whenever you're free. This will be my story book for as long as possible.
Came out with another thought of mine, if i can't provide to you what you want, why destroying and trying to take away what you have? I was so selfish, wanna make you mine just because I love you so much, but making you suffer isn't love at all. Few more days to christmas and new year, wish to celebrate these important days with you. Hope we can meet on 24th ,25th and 31st. It would be really great to have you by my side on these days.
Time flies, here goes my 21 years old. Seeing myself to be a better person compared to last year. Managed to complete most of the goals i set for myself during last year. For now, i just need to be better in managing my emotions. Not sure how our life is gonna be, but the pinky promise, I will never forget, hope you doesn't forget it too =)
Find me when you can meet me ya! I MISS YOU YOKORELLA
You have him, just realized how tiny I am when I'm putting myself between both of you. Two months vs Five years. There's nothing i can compete, maybe the only advantage i have is young, hahaha. Glad this blog made you smile, just drop by here and read more of my daily life whenever you're free. This will be my story book for as long as possible.
Came out with another thought of mine, if i can't provide to you what you want, why destroying and trying to take away what you have? I was so selfish, wanna make you mine just because I love you so much, but making you suffer isn't love at all. Few more days to christmas and new year, wish to celebrate these important days with you. Hope we can meet on 24th ,25th and 31st. It would be really great to have you by my side on these days.
Time flies, here goes my 21 years old. Seeing myself to be a better person compared to last year. Managed to complete most of the goals i set for myself during last year. For now, i just need to be better in managing my emotions. Not sure how our life is gonna be, but the pinky promise, I will never forget, hope you doesn't forget it too =)
Find me when you can meet me ya! I MISS YOU YOKORELLA
The Worst Experience
Did something really stupid and bad last night hanging out with her. I just screwed up everything right before we say goodbye. Was jealous on her BFF which pissed her off, she was right, i was childish enough, thinking that I'm mature but actually I'm not at all.
Tried so hard to reach her since morning, felt really sorrow and anxious since last night after I walked away. It's really a bad move to just walk away like that, but what done is done, I only can blame myself on it. Been missing her so much and I wanna see her really badly, but too bad there's always some restriction which makes us can't see each other whenever we want to.
Having a drink with her last night, the conversations were so peaceful. I smiled quite often throughout the conversation, I'm not happy actually, I just need to be strong and smile and convince myself that everything is alright, there's no big deal if we gonna stay friends. After two months, we had come to a conclusion not to differentiate the relationship between us. It might be the best way for us to still loving each other deep inside our heart. I don't know how she feel, but I will love her as long as I can. The pinky promise we made, it's so sweet, but no one knows whether it will work out or not. I just hope things will happen with what we promised each other. Come to me, we can be together after you left him and if I'm still single. I really want it to happen so badly, cause I enjoy every moment she trying to reach me in my arms. You know bii, I really love to hug you in my arms and i like it when you're constantly touching my hands and put my arm on your shoulder whenever i doesn't do it. =)
Hugging you is the best feeling i ever had, felt really warm and sweet hugging you. Being so close with you is the best thing ever. But yeah just have to slap myself for being such stupid and can't even control my simple emotions. Getting angry on things that i shouldn't angry on, thinking on things that doesn't happen, jealous on the person i shouldn't be jealous on. Anyway, just glad with what you told me in our text just now, it really made me smile :)
I can't wait to see you my darling~ wanna hug you so tight and tell you that i won't be so childish anymore. I love you Yokorella, things are getting harder, and i will strive harder, i will remember every advice you gave, i will focus on my work and try to be more mature in my attitude and behaviours. Good night, sorry for every evil thing i did, that's my dark side. You will never see it anymore, I promise.
Tried so hard to reach her since morning, felt really sorrow and anxious since last night after I walked away. It's really a bad move to just walk away like that, but what done is done, I only can blame myself on it. Been missing her so much and I wanna see her really badly, but too bad there's always some restriction which makes us can't see each other whenever we want to.
Having a drink with her last night, the conversations were so peaceful. I smiled quite often throughout the conversation, I'm not happy actually, I just need to be strong and smile and convince myself that everything is alright, there's no big deal if we gonna stay friends. After two months, we had come to a conclusion not to differentiate the relationship between us. It might be the best way for us to still loving each other deep inside our heart. I don't know how she feel, but I will love her as long as I can. The pinky promise we made, it's so sweet, but no one knows whether it will work out or not. I just hope things will happen with what we promised each other. Come to me, we can be together after you left him and if I'm still single. I really want it to happen so badly, cause I enjoy every moment she trying to reach me in my arms. You know bii, I really love to hug you in my arms and i like it when you're constantly touching my hands and put my arm on your shoulder whenever i doesn't do it. =)
Hugging you is the best feeling i ever had, felt really warm and sweet hugging you. Being so close with you is the best thing ever. But yeah just have to slap myself for being such stupid and can't even control my simple emotions. Getting angry on things that i shouldn't angry on, thinking on things that doesn't happen, jealous on the person i shouldn't be jealous on. Anyway, just glad with what you told me in our text just now, it really made me smile :)
I can't wait to see you my darling~ wanna hug you so tight and tell you that i won't be so childish anymore. I love you Yokorella, things are getting harder, and i will strive harder, i will remember every advice you gave, i will focus on my work and try to be more mature in my attitude and behaviours. Good night, sorry for every evil thing i did, that's my dark side. You will never see it anymore, I promise.
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